I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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