Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
