you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
