I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
