Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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