I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
