Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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