dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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