It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
