Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
