How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
