I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
