My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
