I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
