You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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