i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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