you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
