I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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