we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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