i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
