i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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