If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize