I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
