'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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