You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize