Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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