my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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