What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
