I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
