The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
