New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
