butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ketchup is God's man juice
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Alive.
So much puke
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
