I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
