there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
