drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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