You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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