My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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