too bad you live with your parents still
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
