I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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