you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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