Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can you bring me the toilet please
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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