Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
