I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
