I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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