why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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