I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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