I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
