U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
