So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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