hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
