i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
