I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
