69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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