Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
