Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize