And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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