I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
