I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
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ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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