i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
