these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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