I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
