He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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