why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
