Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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