And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
