I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
