dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
